Tuesday, August 7, 2007
you know what, i really never felt this old till i flipped open my old secondary school & jc daily planner...& yesh i'm in the midst of tidying up my room before school officially starts. right now, it really amazes me that i actually had the time and the energy to write all that nonsense, design it up, detail it down, & doodles that dont make sense which are probably done while half asleep during lectures... you get the picture.
but i digress. it has been over 2years since i've graduated from qss, but frankly it still feels quite fresh. until i started going back for guides that is. it makes me wonder if its because i've managed to preserve my friendship ties with those that i care, like WeeEng, QianLing, HuiMin, WaiYing, Erika, guides unit etc, that i've somehow managed to freeze time. or maybe even because that had been the best time of our lives..up to all kind of nonsense..boycotting a certain someone.. anyhow, you know, like you've been so accustomed to your environment you fail to notice the big change? excluding the big change that we were all moving to a new environment by ourselves, & that you werent by my side, holding my hand & walking it through with me...
2 years back didn't feel all that different cos i made friends almost immediately. i had Elaine, & though we were in different classes, we made it our dime to meet everyday before assembly starts. 2 years back, i feel as young as i felt then, and am supposing the way i think is still the same. i still feel just as childish, just as immature, just as paranoid, just as insecure, just as spoilt, haha, just as gigglish, just as trusting. just as everything. i look around me, and the people i had with me then, are still right here with me, in the sense that they really are truly just a phone call away. it hardly even feels like they have ever left. their lives have been how they lived them then. as are mine. perhaps except QianLing has a boyfriend, & WaiYing too, no girlfriends, no nothing. thats the sad part. but progress, we have. as the academic year for most of us reaches closure, it reminds us that there has had been change. but funny thing, i don't feel it. perhaps i'm getting used to such cruel wrench from my friends, as in pri3, pri5, sec3, & now.
its almost as if, somewhere down the line, i forgot how i was actually like. and i simply, very conveniently, assume i've always been this way. everything's always been this way. liking the stuff i like now, plus new additions of stuff i enjoy now, being as confident as i feel now. or, like i just summarized all those years, missing out on all the tiny details that matter.
i guess its easy to forget. it always is.
today i realise that we all should be proud of ourselves. for growing up, for maturing. its because we forget what 3 years ago had really been like. it is because we are only left with a vague idea of the past. we don't give ourselves enough credit, that's what i think at least. if i didnt force myself to plough through the embarrasing details of the past, i would have forgotten how naive i was, how innocent, how.. yes, childish & spoilt & even gormless. and i realise a whole new definition to that word! & the whole act of remeniscing is enough to make me feel ancient. hahaa but yes, bottomline, i have grown up. it is evident though comparison.
it makes me feel this overwhelming appreciation toward change. toward the future, for you'll never know what lies out there. how we'll be moulded by the decisions we make, the people that will come in and out of our lives, the highs & lows we'll trek through. emotionally, spritually. one day, 3 years later, i'm gonna check back to this very journal and realise all over again this power of change. by then i'll say the same words, "i have grown up."
but i'm surprised, too.
(at the change)
especially since i hadn't noticed it.
you know what they say, "i didn't see it coming"; we never intended to grow up, but we ended up doing just that.
...
by the way, i came across the letters we used to exchanged, be it during lessons/lectures or my mail. including our combined effort in drawing a comic strip during Chinese lectures. & like it should & ought to, stuff started flooding into my head. anyway one of them had her telling me she was listening to "i have the mass dances' songs all in here for uuuu sweetie! i know you'll love me for digging all these stuff up for you! LOL! muacks! lets groove up to the songs together one day!" exposed! hahaa! ohwell. but i felt so touched when i re-read them that i started crying. right, still a crybaby. lil tokens of love and given as gifts from jj councilors. cried real hard while flipping through the OGL memor book, which was hand-drawn by them. then theres the lil bottle with乡思豆 (saga seeds) that are supposed to represent how much someone misses you. & this particular red seed is special. it's heart-shaped. i dont believe it's by pure coincidence, it's from the heart.
OHyeah, & i do miss the many tables the guys vandalised on. especially the one with the turtle/tortise (a.k.a a certain teacher)hahaa if only i can steal them!!! i've made up my mind, & just take 'fate' as it comes. i'll still miss you lovelies! before i go back to doodling on my new stationaries, here's to the future!, and to keeping our memories close to heart! mak!
but i digress. it has been over 2years since i've graduated from qss, but frankly it still feels quite fresh. until i started going back for guides that is. it makes me wonder if its because i've managed to preserve my friendship ties with those that i care, like WeeEng, QianLing, HuiMin, WaiYing, Erika, guides unit etc, that i've somehow managed to freeze time. or maybe even because that had been the best time of our lives..up to all kind of nonsense..boycotting a certain someone.. anyhow, you know, like you've been so accustomed to your environment you fail to notice the big change? excluding the big change that we were all moving to a new environment by ourselves, & that you werent by my side, holding my hand & walking it through with me...
2 years back didn't feel all that different cos i made friends almost immediately. i had Elaine, & though we were in different classes, we made it our dime to meet everyday before assembly starts. 2 years back, i feel as young as i felt then, and am supposing the way i think is still the same. i still feel just as childish, just as immature, just as paranoid, just as insecure, just as spoilt, haha, just as gigglish, just as trusting. just as everything. i look around me, and the people i had with me then, are still right here with me, in the sense that they really are truly just a phone call away. it hardly even feels like they have ever left. their lives have been how they lived them then. as are mine. perhaps except QianLing has a boyfriend, & WaiYing too, no girlfriends, no nothing. thats the sad part. but progress, we have. as the academic year for most of us reaches closure, it reminds us that there has had been change. but funny thing, i don't feel it. perhaps i'm getting used to such cruel wrench from my friends, as in pri3, pri5, sec3, & now.
its almost as if, somewhere down the line, i forgot how i was actually like. and i simply, very conveniently, assume i've always been this way. everything's always been this way. liking the stuff i like now, plus new additions of stuff i enjoy now, being as confident as i feel now. or, like i just summarized all those years, missing out on all the tiny details that matter.
i guess its easy to forget. it always is.
today i realise that we all should be proud of ourselves. for growing up, for maturing. its because we forget what 3 years ago had really been like. it is because we are only left with a vague idea of the past. we don't give ourselves enough credit, that's what i think at least. if i didnt force myself to plough through the embarrasing details of the past, i would have forgotten how naive i was, how innocent, how.. yes, childish & spoilt & even gormless. and i realise a whole new definition to that word! & the whole act of remeniscing is enough to make me feel ancient. hahaa but yes, bottomline, i have grown up. it is evident though comparison.
it makes me feel this overwhelming appreciation toward change. toward the future, for you'll never know what lies out there. how we'll be moulded by the decisions we make, the people that will come in and out of our lives, the highs & lows we'll trek through. emotionally, spritually. one day, 3 years later, i'm gonna check back to this very journal and realise all over again this power of change. by then i'll say the same words, "i have grown up."
but i'm surprised, too.
(at the change)
especially since i hadn't noticed it.
you know what they say, "i didn't see it coming"; we never intended to grow up, but we ended up doing just that.
...
by the way, i came across the letters we used to exchanged, be it during lessons/lectures or my mail. including our combined effort in drawing a comic strip during Chinese lectures. & like it should & ought to, stuff started flooding into my head. anyway one of them had her telling me she was listening to "i have the mass dances' songs all in here for uuuu sweetie! i know you'll love me for digging all these stuff up for you! LOL! muacks! lets groove up to the songs together one day!" exposed! hahaa! ohwell. but i felt so touched when i re-read them that i started crying. right, still a crybaby. lil tokens of love and given as gifts from jj councilors. cried real hard while flipping through the OGL memor book, which was hand-drawn by them. then theres the lil bottle with
OHyeah, & i do miss the many tables the guys vandalised on. especially the one with the turtle/tortise (a.k.a a certain teacher)hahaa if only i can steal them!!! i've made up my mind, & just take 'fate' as it comes. i'll still miss you lovelies! before i go back to doodling on my new stationaries, here's to the future!, and to keeping our memories close to heart! mak!
♥♥♥
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9:28 AM
