my new addiction, priced at 1.60$ from the Co-op, weighing 43g which completely doesnt justify the amount of weight i've gained after mere consumption of this overpriced addiction.

it's a vicious cycle!

so here's my warning: stay away! far far away from this overpriced + misleading food-labelling chunk of pure enjoyment with cookies in every bite!

i've end my case

-------------------

the day itself

hearts my bento set! <3>but they added funny looking black sesame-like thingy on my food. oh look. the picky picky side is captured in the foto! bfft.

but i still love my bento set! 3 sweet desserts! i wish they were chilled though.

so obviously went back to school today & mug study for the next exam. with Estee. but we were chatting away & giggling/sniggering every so often that this guy 'shh!'-ed us. :x i guess we were just too excited to finally see each other again & can't help talking! we're sorry!

ohyesh! a pretty nicee drawing to share :) my girl & my girl's bf
i'm not allowed to say names & the drawing is not done by me, but by my girl, so here:

& yesyesyes! next friday, post esther's birthday celebration - movie + catching up session + lunch + whatever the birthday girl wants to do (probably shopping again), but we don't have to do it if it's something silly like the other time when someone pasted her face against a certain glass wall & posing...yupp we don't have to follow, just whatever she wants to do lmao

so many things to do after exams

part of me wants to stay in front of my lappie & rot
but i heard a voice just when i had this evil thought
it says, "OII!! exams not over yet hor! go & study! 2 chapters down big deal! 10 more chapters to go still sit here!"
how rude.
some kinda conscience i've got.
anyone care to swap?

off & awayy

♥♥♥

walking around with a pin stuck in my head
oh the sign is missing
must have been so stupid as to lost it
to lost the sign saying 'stupid stupid me'
how stupid

-BIG SIGH-

Right.
today's the killer day.
3 papers in a day - morning, afternoon, evening
[yawn]
Been sleeping late for the past couple of weeks, but felt really saturated this week. It's so frustrating that nothing's going in. stayed up all night, nothing.


anyway..just feel so stupid
1. Econs
- 40 MCQs + 4 DRQs (2hrs)
didnt managed to finish the drqs..4 marks & i know how to do those qns
but anyone who was still writing, student card will be confiscated, & person will face expulsion
i stopped

2. Singapore Society
- 3 essays (2hrs)
goner. it's a sociology module, but my answers were like..writing GP essays.. no sociology theories or whatsoever.. flunk

3. Psychology
- 100MCQs + 5 1-page essays (2hrs)
did i mentioned that i got B- for my term paper? sounds like a decent grade, till i saw the next line: average/mode A-
majority got A- for their term paper & thus that's the average, & once again, i'm below average
while waiting for the doors to open, people around me were cramming psychology facts & rehearsing to themselves
me? stood there, stoned, wondering what the hell i was doing there with all the A- people. so shouldnt be taking psychology when i can't even keep up with the rest.. ought to seriously reconsider my options..

4. SouthAsian
- 3 essays (2hrs)
personally, i felt that this paper was pretty alright, except that it seems i'm underwriting for all my papers. people were asking for extra papers & were still scribbling frantically towards the end
myself... have extra paper leftover & 15mins to stone


so far...that's what i'd been through
& more to come
or rather, 1 more to go


i've learned something from this.
Lester came up to me after Singapore Society exam today, & talked a little.
he said something like this: first year right? take it easy..first sem only..no worries..hopefuly the bell curve will save us...take care & good luck..

thought i'll feel really relieve & happy at the end of the day.
but all depressed over my papers
screwed up big time
didn't even give 100% effort more like 50% & less
this won't do
i made a mistake
need to formulate a new strategy for the next sem
anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new
hopefully the bell curve (whatever that is) will save us


ohyesh. something random. about my dear boy. had this dream last night while dozing off over psychology textbk.
was at this chapter about children development, & was scribbling down my toddlers & little thinkers' names next to each stage that children go through so that i'll rmb better...& then dozed off
& yes, i dreamt about my little JunFong!
miss him so much! cried when i woke up. i wished i never woke up. but then again, wouldnt had study psychology
but it was such a nice dream..didnt even get to say bye-bye to him properly when we moved.
this is getting so emotional
i miss his teddy-bear-at-the-rear denim shorts with his elmo t-shirt! T.T
miss playing with him, trying to take pictures of him, playing hide-&-seek etc..


final note:

can't wait for holidays to arrive!
to meet up with my girls!!! all of them! pri sch + sec sch + guides + jj + tuition class
holiday dearr?? are we still on? Bintan!! :)
vacation!!!
i'm all excited already
though there's still the part that i dread..anyhow, i'm not going to go out with him anymore. not alone. really offended over the last time.
not going to happen again.

bro's going chalet for 3D2N! right on the day my exams end! yeaa! the house to myself for 3 days! sleeeep & eattt!! tvvv!! cartoons are all mine! CSI! DVD maranthon! yeaaaa!
can't wait can't wait!
i want my girls & my vacation now! :)))))))
good food + good company! someone drag me go cycling & sweat off those sick fats!
beach + sun + good music all day long! + ur digicam, we're going to capture the beautiful moments! hearts!

how i wish time can fast fwd this instant and we can skip the nasty exams
"it'll be all over soon then we can all have time to breathe," i said.
"shall we go Bintan?" you asked.
"yes pls! we so deserve it!" i said.
okayy maybe not me. gah.
stop feeling upset & move on already.
work harder next sem & push everything up!

♥♥♥

first thing first, dinner desserts with my girls! lovelyy!! ;q this ought to keep me going on till the end of exams. it has been awhile since i had nice food like these! short break, & back to mugging regimes.


ohya. i heard about the mini room we can book to watch movies. i wanna go there some night when the exams are over kay? :) :) :)
play pool, go bowling, EastCoast, WestCoast, Sentosa! time to head back out there & soak up the sun! mum says i'm slightly fairer now, so time to get tanned!
late nights, stay overs... whatever man!
i've missed out a hell lot of fun already :(
and i deserve it!!! :)))
so all that real soon kay???

lmao so many things to do during the holidays!
top priority=complete shoe orders & get them out of the way first
& then to all the fun-stops & nicee food!!
& maybe go on a holiday to M'sia or Bintan.
or somewhere else.
class chalet? is it too late for bookings now?
night cycling & bbq seafood! & watch sunrise together!

12th Sep '07 -> 6 months
omg.
Marchh! miss having mafia to boss around :(
pool + bowling + bball kay?

anyway, dinner dessert-ing was great & really, the nice food & company was a break from mugging-routine.

& now i'm just sleepy.
--------------------------

today, 9th Nov, is the last SGP society lecture & initially, thought i had stepped into the wrong lecture hall. it was unusually crowded.
i've forgotten the class size for this module ever since webcast lecture was on.
uncomfortable.
smaller class size's definitely better & more conducive.
there were less murmurings before.
this school is seriously over-populated.
there goes a perfectly diabolical plan.
damn it.

psychology term paper wasnt returned today. instead, it's being held as hostage till next lecture, cos it's the last, & the condition was of cos to attend lecture, before we'll be able to get our papers.
gahh.

on the bright side, seems to know more people in psychology class.
Niva studied with me the other day, & SzeMin, Judith & me had decided unanimously not to attend EL tutorial!

---------------------------

& yes, chocolate from CandyEmpire!
plus big big chocolate bar from Sharm! :) thank you thank you!!
shall divide them nicely over the spread of this exam period!

♥♥♥

un-happy.

"Application for next academic year AY08/09 will begin in March 2008. You will be able to move in August 2008 when the new AY starts if you are successful in your application."

& i was so very very happy...
when mum gave the green light on the condition that i'll pay everything by myself, for myself.
when i was daydreaming on the bus, jotting down the list of things to get & pack.
when i by-pass the hostel.
when i sat there people-watching & smiling to myself, silly.
when i saw this notice pasted outside the library.


yea! now i can stay up all night & mugg! :) - i thought.

& then the sky fell.



it fell really hard.














on the bright side, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.
i'll be able to save up enough money for the hostel fees + daily allowance.
dont be too disappointed little brother.
or am i saying that to myself?

just bear with it for another year. or less than that.
Aug 2008, it's already Nov 2007.
very soon.
hang in there.
it's near.
i can smell it.

-------------------------

another thing, brother & me stayed up till 3am plus the other night, crapping.
he said that this will probably be the last few moments we'll spent talking like this.
but that was before i received the reply from the hostel in-charge.
still, that made me feel kinda sad.
but we'll part one day anyway.

---------------------------

i felt..fear. scared & afraid.
looking into her eyes.
even though i hardly know her, i'm afraid to see death in her face.
her eyes was unusally bright, in contrast to her pale slim face.
i don't like & don't want anymore people to leave me.
the last death was in jc1..
i'm sorry, but i'm really not used to the idea of people i know moving on, to where they say, a better place.
that was what they told me when i was young, & asked where grandfather was going.
a better place, they said.
i want to go there too, i said.
& they told me to shut up & not to utter such nonsense.
please don't die on me.
the idea of death has always left me badly shaken.
& those staring but un-seeing eyes.
another weakness.
grandfather, uncle, hamster, rabbit, GirlGuide junior..isn't it more than enough?

afraid because there are so many things left undone.
so many dreams to fulfill.
so many places i want to go to.
so many people/animals i want to help.
so many piano pieces unplayed.
so many books unread.
so many things i've never experienced.
so many words unsaid.
so many...others others

time is never enough.
i wish i was somewhere else.
preferably in front of a majestic landscape, leaping off the edge.
to leap, before i am afraid.
or to gaze into the night sky..but do the stars gaze back?
hmm, i wonder.

when you have either teddy or books to play with.
& no, the bear in the foto above is not Mr Fazums.

rightt. entire afternoon spent in the photocopy room, infringing photocopying regulation.
references entirely devoted to SGP society module.
really tiring. feel like i'm part of the BraveNewWorld.
been neglecting the newspaper since..when mid-term was about to start.
have to make up for it somehow.


but that's not all that happened today.

start off with Econs tutorial.
it has been weeks since the last tutorial, & that equates to how long i'd been neglecting economics. for my part. tutoring Lydia & junior not taken into consideration.
there're alot more calculations now. maths stuff.
concepts fuzzy.


second last EL1101 tutorial today.
despite that one hour being totally unproductive, it's kinda relaxing & just crap with Pamela, XinHui, June or Eleanor :)
concepts fuzzy.

last SGP tutorial.
feel kinda depress..
because it's the last tutorial, & even though i'm always very confused at the end of it..
the tutorial's nice. the lecturer - Dr Saroja is nice, the tutor - Robin is nice, the classmates are nice, & the module itself is nice!
it has been a fun tutorial & one of my fav, & that's saying something, cos the other fav is psychology tutorial.
that's all.
time flies.
concepts fuzzy.

& another thing is, i think Jason's disappointed with the term paper grade.
B+
do i need to go into detail?
i hope you know.

& something hit me today.
we're really shaped by our environment.
been wondering for quite some time if this particular guy, who's really vocal in tutorial, is a sociology major. but i thought he was year1, so dismissed that thought. turns out that he's a year2. i think. & i didnt even asked for his name. it's just that his concepts are really strong, the damn power kind. & this other guy, who's also really vocal, speculate that he's majoring in economics. just can sense it. his analytical skill is quite similar to Jason's, & he's a econs major.

what we'd learned, shaped our perception.
& a lecturer told me this: "we learn a thing because we hope to understand it better. at this current level, your aim is to understand. at the next level, you may offer new understandings."

another thing that happened in tutorial today.
there's this girl (& again, i have no idea what's her name. gahh) who asked where i lived. turns out that she lives next block! same as my cousin, except that she lives on the 21st floor.
small small world..
& recently found out that alot of ex-classmates live aorund this area:
ShiYing, cousin, HuiQin, Jeremy, Benjamin, JiaYi, WenLi, Jocelyn, ZhongTeck, ShiYuan, JiaYu & my current classmate too.

the Melodie at home = hair like some cock, super nerdy specs + oversized jj t-shirt + fbt shorts + flipflops
in short, sotong-monkey look.
lmao. cousin & Milo always comment that i look like nerd zombie at home.
totally different image from school.

oh& the girl said that she has a dog.
coolness! wanted to ask if her dog eats cat, & if it does, i'll love to borrow it for a while.
neighbour has a cat, which enjoys peeing on slippers & recently started playing with Milo's shoes & dragged it around by the shoelace.
& it's so sly & cunning! just sneaked into the house unnoticed & started walking around.
mum really hit the roof that time.
i was on its side. that mum + Milo + dad shouldnt keep criticising it, & that it's actually really adorable.
that was before it pee-ed on my slippers. twice.
& it's starting to stalk me home.
gahh.


ran into HuiQin while heading to the library...
[shoe came off]
"Cinderelli!!"
"HuiQin!!"
"your shoe came off hahaa shoe so cute!"
[talk talk talk]

HuiQin reminded me something.
something which triggered off happy happy memories.
she said this: "i miss the orientation with you!"
yesh yesh..

flashback:
HuiQin..you dont have sleeping bag is it?
[nods] i didnt thought we'll be sleeping much & it's just one night..
but it'll be freaking cold in the middle of the night..you want to share sleeping bag?
[smiles] okayy! thx!!

yesh..that was so funny sweet.

using sleeping bag as a blanket
freaking cold
cuddled together
the hall ceiling was beautiful
without my specs, only the glowing lightsticks were visible
still hanging from the pretty pretty balloons


that was really nice.
people kept staring at me while i was smiling away to myself, & photocopying at the same time.
gahh. super throw face i know.

SouthAsian lecture today was confusing.
more confusing than ever.
there were so many things i wanted to ask the lecturer.
concepts fuzzy.

head off to TiongBahruPlaza after lecture ended at 2000.
there were pretty cupcakes! double chocolate! sorely tempted to buy, but my hands were full.
met ShiYing at the bus-stop! same block.
told you this is a small world.

like how cousin Edwin knows him & TeeYien.
this world is seriously too small.

at TiongBahruPlaza, was looking at instand cook-food & frozen food, when out of the blue, this guy from pri sch who used to bully+tease+make fun of me called me.
look spastic.
he kept talking, asking me questions, while i was edging away, & giving short replies & he pressed on. & people were staring.
& this guy at the cashier kept staring.

people should learn that it's rude to stare.
causes me great discomfort+nervous.
hate people looking/staring at me for more than 3seconds.
---------------------------

another thing is about Wikipedia.
advised strongly not to rely too much on it.
Kiat How will freak if he knows this. i think.
hahaa!

lastly, on Dharma.
very very fuzzy with regards to this topic.
going insane.
is it a law? religion?
the lecturer said that it's a social order, but it has notions that are similar to religious beliefs.
concepts fuzzy.

♥♥♥